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Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection Kindle Edition

4.4 out of 5 stars 143 ratings

“Full of revealing, instantly applicable ideas for leveraging your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses.”
—Adam Grant, author of 
Think Again and Originals, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife

For many of us, listening is simply something we do on autopilot. We hear just enough of what others say to get our work done, maintain friendships, and be polite with our neighbors. But we miss crucial opportunities to go deeper—to give and receive honest feedback, to make connections that will endure for the long haul, and to discover who people truly are at their core.

Fortunately, listening can be improved—and Ximena Vengoechea can show you how. In 
Listen Like You Mean It, she offers an essential listening guide for our times, revealing tried-and-true strategies honed in her own research sessions and drawn from interviews with marriage counselors, podcast hosts, life coaches, journalists, filmmakers, and other listening experts. Through Vengoechea’s set of scripts, key questions, exercises, and illustrations, you’ll learn to:

• Quickly build rapport with strangers
• Ask the right questions to deepen a conversation
• Pause at the right time to encourage vulnerability
• Navigate a conversation that’s gone off the rails

Now more than ever, we need to feel heard, connected, and understood in a world that keeps turning up the volume. Warm, funny, and immensely practical, this book shows you how.
Due to its large file size, this book may take longer to download

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From the Publisher

"This book is full of revealing, instantly applicable ideas for leveraging your strengths..."

"Relatable stories and actionable tools to better understand each other..." Julie Zhuo, author.

"Listen Like You Mean It is a delight - a secret handbook for mastering communication..." Jake Knapp

"Could there be a more relevant book for our times?" - Nir Eyal, author of Hooked and Indistractable

"Listen Like You Mean It brings an extremely underappreciated skill to the forefront..."

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This zestful guide will inspire readers to listen better."
Publishers Weekly

“You know listening is one of the best ways to learn and connect, but how much time have you actually spent analyzing your style and skills? As a user experience researcher, Ximena Vengoechea specializes in the art and science of listening. Her book is full of revealing, instantly applicable ideas for leveraging your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses.”
—Adam Grant, author of Think Again and Originals, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife

"Could there be a more relevant book for our times? While there are plenty of books on persuasion, none tells us how to influence others through the quiet art of understanding. Vengoechea implores us to truly hear other people (maybe for the first time) and is the perfect author of a book on why we should listen like we mean it."
—Nir Eyal, author of Hooked and Indistractable

“Ximena’s front-line experience as a researcher results in an impressive array of relatable stories and actionable tools to better understand each other and to create space for new ideas and honest feelings.”
—Julie Zhuo, author of The Making of a Manager

"This is a book about generosity and dignity, about caring enough to actually let the truth come through. In the race to build the next big thing, too often we forget to build the right thing."
—Seth Godin, author of The Practice
 
 “
Listen Like You Mean It brings an extremely underappreciated skill to the forefront, and illuminates practical ways we can all improve, whether we’re designing products, trying to reach an agreement, or simply listening to a friend. The world would be a better place if we all developed a listening mindset.”
—Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, coauthors of No Hard Feelings
 
“Being a good listener is a superpower—and extremely hard to do! Ximena shares with us immensely practical advice in a step-by-step playbook that delights, informs and inspires. A must read for anyone looking to build better relationships at work and grow in their career.”
—Alexandra Cavoulacos, founder of The Muse and coauthor of The New Rules of Work

"
Listen Like You Mean It is a delight—a secret handbook for mastering communication in the work world and beyond, from a world-class expert who writes like a friend."
—Jake Knapp, author of Make Time and Sprint

"An engaging and approachable book clearly crafted by a professional communicator, this is an essential guide to listening to and truly hearing others. A helpful read for personal and professional development, or an unsubtle gift for encouraging more meaningful conversations."
—Adam J. Kurtz, artist and author of Things Are What You Make of Them

“A helpful guide to listening, especially for people in human resources or research careers who depend on keen observational skills to succeed.”
—Lea Berman and Jeremy Bernard, coauthors of Treating People Well 
 

About the Author

Ximena Vengoechea is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator whose work on personal and professional development has been published in Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Fast Company, and on The Muse. An experienced manager, she previously workedat Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Twitter. She currently lives in San Francisco with her family. Find out more at ximenavengoechea.com.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B08CTG778J
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Portfolio
  • Accessibility ‏ : ‎ Learn more
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 30, 2021
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 30.3 MB
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 334 pages
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0593087060
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 out of 5 stars 143 ratings

About the author

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Ximena Vengoechea
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Ximena Vengoechea is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator whose work on personal and professional development has been published in Inc., The Washington Post, Fast Company, Newsweek, Forbes, among others. She is the author of the new book, The Life Audit: A Step-By-Step Guide to Discovering Your Goals and Building the Life You Want (October 2024), based on her popular project The Life Audit; a companion journal, The Life Audit Journal is forthcoming (February 2025). Her previous book, Rest Easy: Discover Calm and Abundance through the Radical Power of Rest, received a starred review from Library Journal and was named one of Book Riot’s best books of 2023. Her first book, Listen Like You Mean it: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection (Penguin Random House), was a Next Big Idea Club finalist in 2021. She also writes Letters from Ximena, a newsletter about staying curious, getting creative, and living well. Ximena is a keynote speaker on topics such as empathetic and inclusive listening, navigating difficult conversations, and preventing burnout. A user researcher by training, she previously worked at Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Twitter.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
143 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book incredibly insightful, serving as an excellent primer for building listening skills. They describe it as fun to read, with one customer noting its amazing illustrations.

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7 customers mention "Insight"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book incredibly insightful, serving as an excellent primer for building listening skills.

"...Not only has Ximena taught me how to listen in professional settings, but a lot of the information and methods in this book has also helped me on a..." Read more

"...She's had a fabulous career as a user researcher and guides the reader through incredible listening skills and asking powerful questions...." Read more

"...I found the real-life examples provided especially interesting and insightful, in addition to being a fascinating peek behind the scenes for..." Read more

"This is such an actionable, practical book. I so resonated with concepts such as cultivating a listening mindset, identifying my default listening..." Read more

3 customers mention "Enjoyment"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book enjoyable and fun to read.

"...It teaches you how to have a listening mindset that's actually fun and rewarding. Plus the book has amazing illustrations...." Read more

"This book was a joy to read - from the easy to understand illustrations to the real world stories shared...." Read more

"Perfect book for helping renew the commitment to being a good listener to your team, stakeholders, and boss (in addition to your spouse and friends!)..." Read more

3 customers mention "Illustrations"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the illustrations in the book, with one noting they are easy to understand.

"...Plus the book has amazing illustrations...." Read more

"...For visual learners, the drawings and diagrams throughout the book are plentiful and incredibly insightful." Read more

"This book was a joy to read - from the easy to understand illustrations to the real world stories shared...." Read more

10x Your Communication
5 out of 5 stars
10x Your Communication
I **HIGHLY** recomend Ximena Vengoechea's book, "Listen Like You Mean It." She's had a fabulous career as a user researcher and guides the reader through incredible listening skills and asking powerful questions. One of my strengths is Curiosity Conversations, which is the basis of my TEDx talk (one of the top 3% of all TEDx talks). I *thought* I was good. Her book rocked my world and demonstrated how I can get EXPONENTIALLY better. For visual learners, the drawings and diagrams throughout the book are plentiful and incredibly insightful.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on July 25, 2021
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    I found out about Ximena Vengoechea after she spoke in a webinar hosted by DesignLab. I decided to buy her book to learn more about improving my listening skills for my job as a junior user researcher. However, I ended up learning way more than I expected to. Not only has Ximena taught me how to listen in professional settings, but a lot of the information and methods in this book has also helped me on a personal level. I've started cultivating genuine curiosity about all my "conversation partners" - at work and at home! It teaches you how to have a listening mindset that's actually fun and rewarding. Plus the book has amazing illustrations. Lastly, there are many books that teach you how to listen and they often repeat the same formula for improving listening skills (don't listen to respond, paraphrasing what has been said, asking open ended questions, have a genuine interest in other people, etc). Trust me, Listen Like You Mean It goes beyond that!
    9 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2023
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    I **HIGHLY** recomend Ximena Vengoechea's book, "Listen Like You Mean It." She's had a fabulous career as a user researcher and guides the reader through incredible listening skills and asking powerful questions.

    One of my strengths is Curiosity Conversations, which is the basis of my TEDx talk (one of the top 3% of all TEDx talks). I *thought* I was good. Her book rocked my world and demonstrated how I can get EXPONENTIALLY better.

    For visual learners, the drawings and diagrams throughout the book are plentiful and incredibly insightful.
    Customer image
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    10x Your Communication

    Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2023
    I **HIGHLY** recomend Ximena Vengoechea's book, "Listen Like You Mean It." She's had a fabulous career as a user researcher and guides the reader through incredible listening skills and asking powerful questions.

    One of my strengths is Curiosity Conversations, which is the basis of my TEDx talk (one of the top 3% of all TEDx talks). I *thought* I was good. Her book rocked my world and demonstrated how I can get EXPONENTIALLY better.

    For visual learners, the drawings and diagrams throughout the book are plentiful and incredibly insightful.
    Images in this review
    Customer image
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2021
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    This book was a joy to read - from the easy to understand illustrations to the real world stories shared. I learned so many ways in which I can be a better listener with colleagues, friends, and family.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone in the design field since listening is so core to our job and anyone else who recognizes this is a critical component to building any relationship!
    8 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2021
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    Excellent primer for building upon one’s listening skills. I plan to use the strategies in this book for my practice in the healthcare setting, and see this book providing a valuable skill set for anyone, in any context, whether personal or professional.

    I found the real-life examples provided especially interesting and insightful, in addition to being a fascinating peek behind the scenes for aspiring UX researchers.
    10 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 16, 2021
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    This is such an actionable, practical book. I so resonated with concepts such as cultivating a listening mindset, identifying my default listening mode and clarifying my role. I know I'll be referring to this book and re-reading it for years to come. It's such a great contribution to those of us who aim to be better listeners. I highly recommend it.
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 3, 2021
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    Perfect book for helping renew the commitment to being a good listener to your team, stakeholders, and boss (in addition to your spouse and friends!) in an age of distraction and WFH.
    8 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 27, 2023
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    This book has no value add to everyday life and interactions. Its contents are basic. If you've been interacting with other people for any period of time, save your money or find another book.

    "Deepen the conversation" is a chapter on exploring different types of questions to ask in order to learn more. Other than perhaps defining a "connecting question" or an "exploratory question" what is described are basic ways to have a conversation while being curious.

    I am disappointed in the author's lack of insight or even "tricks of the trade" as she describes herself as a "researcher who is naturally drawn to hearing other people's stories." If this book is a culmination of what she has learned during her career, I worry about any clients who used her services when she was starting out! As I said, this is all very basic interpersonal behavior.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2021
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    This book offers helpful techniques for the things we all do that interfere with deep listening. After reading it, I’m resolved to try them. Thanks, Ximena.
    5 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

  • Luai
    4.0 out of 5 stars Good content
    Reviewed in the United Arab Emirates on March 2, 2024
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Nicely written, even though I feel there are some stuff being cited from somewhere else. Can be more original and brings more interesting ideas.
  • Robert Boban
    3.0 out of 5 stars Sorry but boring…
    Reviewed in Germany on April 28, 2024
    The book is meant to follow a nice rhythm and logical sequence of explanations for why active listening is an important skill... but it's full of boring examples that just make me skip ahead and try to find the part that's trying to focus on the topic. If you're an alien and have never spoken to a human from planet Earth, then maybe this book makes sense...

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