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The 5 Personality Patterns: Your Guide to Understanding Yourself and Others and Developing Emotional Maturity
Understanding people this way is like having x-ray vision!
This bestselling book marks a major advance in the psychology of personality. Suddenly, you can see what's going on inside you can see what motivates and matters to them and how to influence and communicate with them successfully. Finally, you have a simple, clear, true-to-life map of personality that gives you the key to understanding people and interacting with them successfully. The 5 Personality Patterns is a book that can change your life.
"This is one of the most useful popular psychology books I have ever seen. . . . It should become a classic."
--- Stephen M. Johnson, author of Character Styles and Characterological Transformation
Much of our human suffering is not necessary. It is created by old safety strategies that helped us survive our childhood traumas, but then got stuck in our bodies. Today, they control our thoughts, feelings, and actions so deeply that they have become an invisible prison. We live our lives trapped in that prison, repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
As we attempt to understand the psychology of success and become successful ourselves, studying the habits of successful people is not enough. To create real self transformation, we must dissolve the obstacles to success buried within us. To regain control of our lives, we must uncover the old safety strategies and patterns that still run our lives so that we can heal and transform them.
Often, these patterns have shaped us so deeply that we think that's who we are. But in fact, they cover up our true self and prevent it from shining out into the world. Finally, we have a map of these patterns, a map that will help
- Discover how you got stuck and how to get free
- Heal your core wounds
- Learn the skills you missed
- Communicate effectively with others
- Develop emotional maturity
Many readers seeking self improvement have discovered that this map of personality is even more helpful to them than the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs personality types, because those maps focus on the surface of the body, on your behaviors, while this map starts with the core of the body and how the flow of your life energy got distorted. And that distortion of the flow of life energy through the body is at the root of much of the suffering and conflict we experience in interpersonal relationships. Understanding those differences will dramatically increase your empathy, compassion, and people skills.
This bestselling book marks a major advance in the psychology of personality. Suddenly, you can see what's going on inside you can see what motivates and matters to them and how to influence and communicate with them successfully. Finally, you have a simple, clear, true-to-life map of personality that gives you the key to understanding people and interacting with them successfully. The 5 Personality Patterns is a book that can change your life.
"This is one of the most useful popular psychology books I have ever seen. . . . It should become a classic."
--- Stephen M. Johnson, author of Character Styles and Characterological Transformation
Much of our human suffering is not necessary. It is created by old safety strategies that helped us survive our childhood traumas, but then got stuck in our bodies. Today, they control our thoughts, feelings, and actions so deeply that they have become an invisible prison. We live our lives trapped in that prison, repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
As we attempt to understand the psychology of success and become successful ourselves, studying the habits of successful people is not enough. To create real self transformation, we must dissolve the obstacles to success buried within us. To regain control of our lives, we must uncover the old safety strategies and patterns that still run our lives so that we can heal and transform them.
Often, these patterns have shaped us so deeply that we think that's who we are. But in fact, they cover up our true self and prevent it from shining out into the world. Finally, we have a map of these patterns, a map that will help
- Discover how you got stuck and how to get free
- Heal your core wounds
- Learn the skills you missed
- Communicate effectively with others
- Develop emotional maturity
Many readers seeking self improvement have discovered that this map of personality is even more helpful to them than the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs personality types, because those maps focus on the surface of the body, on your behaviors, while this map starts with the core of the body and how the flow of your life energy got distorted. And that distortion of the flow of life energy through the body is at the root of much of the suffering and conflict we experience in interpersonal relationships. Understanding those differences will dramatically increase your empathy, compassion, and people skills.
388 pages, Paperback
First published August 28, 2015
523 people are currently reading
1,987 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
March 10, 2019
I was going to stop reading this when I was about a quarter of the way in, but I’d given up on a couple of other books and so decided to force myself to finish this one. It is not good. Every time it begins to approach saying something interesting, it then mentions psychic behaviour, or moving into other dimensions, or some other nonsense.
June 28, 2020
This book has some very good and help information. Unfortunately it is constantly mired by various degrees of mysticism which vary from potentially metaphorical to outright lunacy. This seems irresponsible especially since there are more helpful ways to explain these elements that are based in reality.
If you are already familiar with this area of psychology it may be helpful as the author does present some interesting ways of looking at things. Some of the exercises are also helpful, but quite frankly there is so much nonsense that it's hard to untangle to helpful from the unhelpful.
If you are looking for a single book to help yourself or someone else, you should probably look elsewhere.
If you are already familiar with this area of psychology it may be helpful as the author does present some interesting ways of looking at things. Some of the exercises are also helpful, but quite frankly there is so much nonsense that it's hard to untangle to helpful from the unhelpful.
If you are looking for a single book to help yourself or someone else, you should probably look elsewhere.
January 18, 2024
Glad I have my own copy because I want everyone I know and love to read this.
September 10, 2017
A life-changing a powerful tool on my journey of self-discovery. Insightful, approachable, and compassionate, this book provides insight into how our Personality Patterns were created, and how they continue to cause our suffering. This will reveal how these Patterns are not actually your true self, but instead mask your true self and prevent you from reaching your full potential and true happiness. Now that I have additional insight into how I have been limiting myself and causing myself to suffer, I feel liberated to take charge of healing my wounds and emerging into my gifts. I plan to keep this one at hand for continued reference and guidance! Very highly recommended.
September 3, 2019
Like most personality related books, I think there are oversimplifications and limits to usefulness. But I like that this one focuses specifically on strategies that people use when overwhelmed and how to improve your life based on the specific issues with how you deal with challenging situations. There's a chinese saying/precept that no one needs help with good luck, it's the bad luck that requires planning/coaching/warning to manage, and this is sort of a personality strategy mapped to that concept
August 12, 2023
Wonderful. Vastly intelligent but easy to read & understand. This book provides a look into some of the deepest parts of you + gives insight into the roots behind other people’s behavior, which allows you to have more compassion towards them (even during difficult interactions). Kessler also gives so many practical exercises to shift yourself out of pattern & start healing your inner wounds. 100% recommend to everyone.
August 14, 2017
It was a hard read, but eye opening. The descriptions of personalities has some ring of truth to it, I just don't believe that we know they were caused by the reasons stated and I really don't believe the recommendations for how to heal each pattern.
March 23, 2022
Intriguing.
Read
January 11, 2022Pros: The 5 patterns described in this book are actually powerful lenses into people around me. It uncovers a level of motivation and behavior that the MBTI, Enneagram, neuro-divergence, Internal Family System, C-PTSD, nervous system dysregulation, object relations theory and personality disorder theory don't access. I was glad to add it into my collection of models to help me understand the human psyche.
Cons: Some of the well-studied personality disorders seem to map onto a specific survival pattern pretty often, although not exclusively. For example, a lot of covert narcissism maps onto the compensated merging pattern; narcissism in general maps onto the aggressive pattern as well as the rigid pattern. A lot of BPD behaviors maps onto the merging pattern. Although I do recognize that there are people I know who fit into one or more of the survival patterns but have a PD that's atypical of that survival pattern. Throughout my whole listen I was hoping that the author would make some connections between the survival patterns and commonly identified PDs, especially since that the PDs are also said to originate from certain developmental stages that malfunctioned. The author didn't make such connections, and I think it detracted from the effectiveness of the book, because it allowed an important dimension of the discussion about human personality unaddressed.
The writing is also rather repetitive. A single idea or a fact about a pattern (e.g. xyz patterned people don't know how they feel because they never learned to reference themselves) is restated in various sentence formations in different subsections of a chapter. Whenever I come upon a familiar idea, stated yet again, I had the illusion that I accidentally rewound my audiobook. This was so frustrating that I almost wanted to stop listening. I'm glad I persevered, but the whole listening experience grates on my brain and reduced my confidence in the author's statements. I don't know if the author expects that the reader will require many repetitions to get an idea, or just didn't hire an editor who can help make his arguments more effective and succinct.
Cons: Some of the well-studied personality disorders seem to map onto a specific survival pattern pretty often, although not exclusively. For example, a lot of covert narcissism maps onto the compensated merging pattern; narcissism in general maps onto the aggressive pattern as well as the rigid pattern. A lot of BPD behaviors maps onto the merging pattern. Although I do recognize that there are people I know who fit into one or more of the survival patterns but have a PD that's atypical of that survival pattern. Throughout my whole listen I was hoping that the author would make some connections between the survival patterns and commonly identified PDs, especially since that the PDs are also said to originate from certain developmental stages that malfunctioned. The author didn't make such connections, and I think it detracted from the effectiveness of the book, because it allowed an important dimension of the discussion about human personality unaddressed.
The writing is also rather repetitive. A single idea or a fact about a pattern (e.g. xyz patterned people don't know how they feel because they never learned to reference themselves) is restated in various sentence formations in different subsections of a chapter. Whenever I come upon a familiar idea, stated yet again, I had the illusion that I accidentally rewound my audiobook. This was so frustrating that I almost wanted to stop listening. I'm glad I persevered, but the whole listening experience grates on my brain and reduced my confidence in the author's statements. I don't know if the author expects that the reader will require many repetitions to get an idea, or just didn't hire an editor who can help make his arguments more effective and succinct.
February 6, 2021
Framework 5/5
A fascinating perspective with which to view ourselves. I thoroughly enjoy this perspective and find it useful, especially since the patterns influence who you are yet are only active when you're overwhelmed. They're coping frameworks we drop into rather than a definitive who-we-are-inherently like so many other personality type systems. This framework has definitely changed my life and helped me understand the roots of some of my wound-caused patterns. It also has helped me relate to others because I better understand when they are in a pattern and the gist of what is likely going on for them.
Book 3.5/5
The book itself is very dense and warrants at least a spiritual inclination. It took me a while to come back to each chapter since they're so detailed. It helped if I had myself or someone else in mind for each pattern to link my experience with what the book was describing. I highly recommend the framework, and I don't think the book itself is for everybody. One way of accessing it could be with the chart of the patterns and referencing the sections of the chart in the rest of the book wherever you feel compelled to explore.
In case you've read it and are wondering, I'm M/R + gifts of Leaving.
A fascinating perspective with which to view ourselves. I thoroughly enjoy this perspective and find it useful, especially since the patterns influence who you are yet are only active when you're overwhelmed. They're coping frameworks we drop into rather than a definitive who-we-are-inherently like so many other personality type systems. This framework has definitely changed my life and helped me understand the roots of some of my wound-caused patterns. It also has helped me relate to others because I better understand when they are in a pattern and the gist of what is likely going on for them.
Book 3.5/5
The book itself is very dense and warrants at least a spiritual inclination. It took me a while to come back to each chapter since they're so detailed. It helped if I had myself or someone else in mind for each pattern to link my experience with what the book was describing. I highly recommend the framework, and I don't think the book itself is for everybody. One way of accessing it could be with the chart of the patterns and referencing the sections of the chart in the rest of the book wherever you feel compelled to explore.
In case you've read it and are wondering, I'm M/R + gifts of Leaving.
Read
July 19, 2024DNF. I tried to read this one, truly I did. It was recommended to me by an author (K.M. Weiland) whose non-fiction books on storytelling craft I deeply respect and who has been incredibly helpful in my journey as an author. So when she suggested this book as part of her year-end wrap-up, I put it on my TBR. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t get past the first few chapters. It’s ostensibly a book about five personality types (hence the title), but it’s far more new-age-y and woo-woo than I like in my non-fiction books. The depictions of the types are decent enough, I suppose, but as soon as Kessler starts talking about how those types form and function, he completely lost me. (The first type supposedly forms because the new soul has trouble with embodiment as it enters the fetus, and the book doesn’t get any less “mystical-energy-themed” from there.) I got 13% of the way through – long enough to read the basics of each of the five types but not long enough to read the detailed chapters on each one. I wouldn’t recommend reading any further than that; in fact, I wouldn’t recommend reading it at all.
November 7, 2024
I’m so glad I stuck with this book (this is one of the denser books I’ve read) because it was revolutionary for me understanding myself and those closest to me on such an intricate, intimate, and true level. Many times reading this book I got teary eyed because it felt like, “Finally. Someone understands me and is showing me how to understand and honor myself.” I truly think this book should be a pre requisite for schools.
December 31, 2024
I struggled with this one and couldn’t finish it. “Chapters” which weren’t really chapters but just sections, were repetitive and too long. I didn’t feel that I fell into any of the 5 types; they were all extremes and all rooted from childhood trauma. Not everyone has childhood trauma! I could see aspects of my personality in each but didn’t feel that any resonated for myself, friends, or family. Maybe this is a book better suited for a psychologist?
January 21, 2025
Thorough and Compelling
As a NARM therapist, I found this book to be supportive of learning more about the character strategies. The practices themselves are adjunct, as when operating from a pattern for one’s whole life, it requires more than what is suggested in the book. However, if combined with therapy with someone knowledgeable about these patterns, they are likely to be helpful.
As a NARM therapist, I found this book to be supportive of learning more about the character strategies. The practices themselves are adjunct, as when operating from a pattern for one’s whole life, it requires more than what is suggested in the book. However, if combined with therapy with someone knowledgeable about these patterns, they are likely to be helpful.
March 12, 2025
This is my favorite book on personality typing. It addresses it from an energy perspective, which I think is missing in a lot of others. It also talks about trauma/survival patterns and how to heal or use the gifts of our patterns rather than identify with and make excuses for the shadow of our patterns. I’ve found it extremely helpful in understanding challenges with myself and others in relationship. It has been a game changer as a parent and a practitioner of trauma healing.
December 1, 2019
The most useful type system for human psychology I’ve found. Far more utility than Myers Brigg’s or enneagram. While those have been interesting and fun for me to learn, this provides insight into my suffering and a clear path to healing deep and confusing wounds. It also answers the big questions of why it’s so hard to communicate with some people. Loved it.
December 27, 2022
This was super, duper repetitive. I did amuse my therapist by saying, "It's founded on Freudian concepts. Then it got weird." He laughed out loud, y'all, no kidding. So yeah, if you'd like Freud with a side of pyschic fighting and to read the same idea over and over and over, be my guest.
July 7, 2024
Phenomenal book that explains a whole dimension of the human process! I cant recommend it highly enough. Once you find your type and/or the important people in your life's type it will explain so much about your interactions and relationship with your loved ones.
A must read!
A must read!
August 28, 2018
Very accessible
December 31, 2019
Provides an accessible and illuminating of five type energy personality theory. Include history of the concept and clear info on what they are where they came from and what to do about it.
May 5, 2021
This book is so good and so insightful!
May 9, 2021
F*ck me up it was so good
November 20, 2021
Excellent insight into the unconscious patterns that keep us stuck. Wonderful for anyone seeking to develop greater self-awareness, heal childhood trauma, and better understand others.
December 16, 2021
It was really good for helping me understand m Enduring pattern and where it stems from. as well as understanding the Rigid pattern and the feeling of perfection I have sometimes.
June 23, 2022
INSIGHTFUL
October 1, 2022
Skimmed some. Useful for seeing how mental states/trauma manifests in physical bodies, in postures etc.
February 27, 2023
Did a breathwork course that leveraged this book - so powerful. Helped me understand myself from a different perspective
December 15, 2023
Not quite finished but taking it off my reading list as I dip into it from time to time
February 26, 2024
If you only read one self-help book, make sure it’s this one. Excellent read!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews