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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Amir Levine (Author), Rachel Heller (Author), Robert Petkoff (Narrator),
4.7 out of 5 stars 21,879 ratings
#1 Best Seller in Love & Romance

"A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship." (John Gray, PhD., best-selling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

  • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back
  • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
  • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

*Includes a PDF of the attachment style questionnaire

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

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  1. Listening Length
    7 hours and 4 minutes
  2. Author
    Amir Levine, see all
  3. Narrator
    Robert Petkoff
  4. Audible release date
    November 5, 2019
  5. Language
    English
  6. Publisher
    Penguin Audio
  7. ASIN
    B07ZJW6DWR
  8. Version
    Unabridged
  9. Program Type
    Audiobook
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Product details

Listening Length 7 hours and 4 minutes
Author Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
Narrator Robert Petkoff
Whispersync for Voice Ready
Audible.com Release Date November 05, 2019
Publisher Penguin Audio
Program Type Audiobook
Version Unabridged
Language English
ASIN B07ZJW6DWR
Best Sellers Rank

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
21,879 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book insightful and well-written, providing a great introduction to attachment theory and helping them understand their own and others' attachment styles. The book is factual and based on real experiences, with clear descriptions of each type and exercises that help readers navigate relationships. While customers appreciate the book's compassionate approach to anxious attachment types, some find it focuses too much on leaving distressed relationships.

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InsightReadabilityRelationship valueAttachment theoryAttachment style descriptionEngaging storyAuthenticityAnxiety level
1,144 customers mention "Insight"1,086 positive58 negative

Customers find the book insightful, with many noting how it helped them understand themselves and their relationships. One customer specifically mentions the detailed information about the Anxious Preoccupied attachment style.

"...I'm now able to communicate more effectively, recognize my own patterns of behavior, identify that I am responsible for my own actions and feelings..." Read more

"...satisfying book comes in the form of the authors’ simple, but profound, summary of the key essentials for finding and keeping (secure) love: ***..." Read more

"...It was so helpful. I now understand why I do some of the things I do while in a relationship." Read more

"...problems notwithstanding, it's also the best primer on understanding attachment theory I've ever read (so far)." Read more

1,016 customers mention "Readability"935 positive81 negative

Customers find the book well written and engaging, with one customer noting it reads like a book about themselves.

"...not into reading this in the first place - the fact that it was light reading, interesting and at times fun - made me very attuned to what this book..." Read more

"...The cherry on top of this deliciously satisfying book comes in the form of the authors’ simple, but profound, summary of the key essentials for..." Read more

"I enjoyed the book. I’ve been married happily for close to 40 years so it was no surprise to me what my attachment style was/ is...." Read more

"What a wonderful book. It is something we all should read before any relationship. I'm glad, I had a chance to read it now. I love it." Read more

232 customers mention "Relationship value"232 positive0 negative

Customers find the book valuable for relationships, noting it provides documented benefits of healthy connections and identifies relationship characteristics, with one customer highlighting its focus on emotional intimacy.

"...It will help you predict how you handle conflict, but not ALL conflict...." Read more

"...giving yourself the best shot at finding—and keeping—a deeply gratifying love, instead of leaving one of the most important aspects of your life to..." Read more

"...Nonetheless, the book is a bestseller, a relationship self-help staple, and probably the most accessible text on attachment theory, so I would..." Read more

"...It also gives great examples of what healthy relationships should look like. Also!!..." Read more

107 customers mention "Attachment theory"88 positive19 negative

Customers appreciate the book's introduction to attachment theory and how it helps understand relationships.

"...The science that is included serves mainly to legitimize attachment theory and show how the different attachment styles are clearly and consistently..." Read more

"An interesting primer on attachment theory." Read more

"...Explains interactions between adults by describing three basic attachment styles...." Read more

"...This book has truly helped me understand the science behind adult attachment and how it affects relationships...." Read more

51 customers mention "Attachment style description"36 positive15 negative

Customers appreciate the book's clarity in describing attachment styles and find it easy to determine others' styles.

"...It was very eye-opening, it described my relationship to a T. It was very helpful to learn about myself and my spouse and why we do the things we do...." Read more

"...examples of different styles at work in a way that's relatable and familiar...." Read more

"...The author has a pessimistic tone regarding attachment styles and implies that the pursuer-distancer effect is virtually impossible to fix...." Read more

"...avoidant, or secure attachment style, there is information for all attachment styles to improve their relationships by understanding themselves..." Read more

41 customers mention "Engaging story"41 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging, particularly appreciating the exercises and relatable scenarios, with one customer noting how the content helps navigate relationships.

"...first place - the fact that it was light reading, interesting and at times fun - made me very attuned to what this book had to say...." Read more

"...This book's style has a very fluid narration as it does a great job helping you to understand: attachment theory, your attachment style as well as..." Read more

"...With compelling characters, thought-provoking themes, and a well-paced narrative, it delivers both depth and entertainment...." Read more

"...The exercises are helping me navigate relationships whether platonic or romantic. I wish it featured a few more LGBTQ examples; there is one...." Read more

35 customers mention "Authenticity"29 positive6 negative

Customers appreciate the book's authenticity, finding it very factual and based on real experiences.

"...The book is honest. Fixing/transforming is 1 out of 4 people over a couple years. But predicting can be anyone...." Read more

"Well written with good facts and points" Read more

"...What I love most if the emphasis the author puts on being authentic and knowing that our needs are what makes us emotionally happy whether they are..." Read more

"...the book about how it's okay to desire intimacy are REALLY USEFUL AND TRUE...." Read more

69 customers mention "Anxiety level"35 positive34 negative

Customers have mixed reactions to the book's approach to anxiety levels, with some finding it comforting and compassionate, while others note that it focuses too much on leaving distressed relationships and doesn't adequately address anxious-anxious relationships.

"...to feel secure in my relationship and help me to be confident and comfortable and help me to be able to give the other person what they need in the..." Read more

"...simplistic and misleading in that it seems to confuse maladaptive relationships with abusive ones and reads as though it is helping a victim get out..." Read more

"...But this book miraculously insists that you can be happy in a loving, supportive, and stable relationship, and tries to show you how." Read more

"...my needs now that I had a framework to do so, however, my anxiety only increased...." Read more

Mind blowing
5 out of 5 stars
Mind blowing
I haven’t even completely finished the book & I am GASPING! I love it and feel it would be very helpful for ALL ATTACHMENT STYLES!
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Khaleesi'sHandMaiden
    5.0 out of 5 stars Much more than what I expected. Eye-opening, relationship saving.
    Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2017
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    My psychiatrist pretty much made me order this book even though in my mind I was dead set against, thinking it was going to be a waste of time, perfectly convinced I knew everything about myself and whatever kind of "attached" I was.

    Whoa.

    Was I wrong.

    And I hate to be wrong. Thanks, Dr. D.

    General Information: This book is an easy read. It's not that stuff you need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out - in layman terms it briefs you on the broader different styles of attachment: secure, anxious and avoidant. The book helps you determine what kind of attachment styles you have via reading examples of others attachment styles and there are also some quizzes if you're still not sure, all of which I found useful. I really liked that the authors presented examples of scenarios of attachment styles and encouraged the reader to read through the scenarios and guess the kind of attachment styles that were presented based on the knowledge we had already been given in the earlier part of the book. I find that a helpful way to learn.

    Given that I was not into reading this in the first place - the fact that it was light reading, interesting and at times fun - made me very attuned to what this book had to say. I agree it wasn't super in-depth but I don't fault this book for that because if it was super in depth I would have not even read it. My psychiatrist knows what the heck she is talking about and she choose this book for a reason - so I have zero complaints. I think she was even impressed with how much I was able to take away after reading it in one day.

    Personal Information:

    This book taught me a lot about myself. With women, I have anxious attachments - stemming from an unpredictable childhood. I pretty much tend to gravitate toward any one who acts maternal with me and cling to her. This isn't necessarily about romantic attachment for me, it spelled out a lot of patterns with all the people I have in my life: from friends, family members, partners and even my doctors.

    I had started to notice that I was feeling unsettled in my relationship with my fiance. I was getting annoyed at everything he did. Little things, like the way he chewed. I would get annoyed when he would text me and completely ignore him for hours at a time. Until I read this book, I didn't realize the problem was me and that with men I have a very avoidant attachment style. I was able to take the criticism to heart without feeling persecuted because the book doesn't make you feel that way even though avoidants can come off as very very harsh and cruel and indifferent.

    I'm now able to communicate more effectively, recognize my own patterns of behavior, identify that I am responsible for my own actions and feelings and now I feel a real sense of control and independence because I have that knowledge. I have that security. I can reciprocate with my fiance now and not be so dismissive of him and I'm able to be a bit more open without feeling that he's trying to stop me from being my own person or that he's suffocating me.

    I highly recommend this book. If you want to delve super deep into this attachment thing - some other reviewers mentioned additions and alternatives but I wouldn't. I am a very learned person, a very intelligent person and I didn't need anything more in depth than this book to help me to start to recognize patterns that needed to change. I think this book is best served to people who can admit where they are on the attachment continuum. I happen to be at a place in my life now, thanks to my psychiatrist and therapist, where I am able to let my guard down a bit and accept things that are difficult for me to accept.. Maybe even just six months ago I wouldn't have been ready to admit this. But given my ability to be ready and my desire to make things right in my life now that I have a child - I didn't need a guide book to tell me how to figure out the things I needed to do to fix the areas that needed work in my life regarding my attachment styles.

    I disagree with the reviews that claim this book doesn't offer us any insight as to why we are the way we are and what we can do about it. Several times this book mentions the theories of infant and other kinds of attachments but does say that it's not the purpose of this book to delve into that. That's good enough for me. I was able to discern from the minimal but powerful examples they give of the attachment styles of infants to their caregivers to know why I am the way I am and I wrote a whole essay about it to share with my psychiatrist.... thanks to this book.

    As for what we can do about it - this was also something I didn't need a road map for. This is going to sound pretty darn simplistic but maybe that's just because it is. Kind of just do the opposite of what you're doing....???? That is how this has been working for me, anyway. But of course, I relied on the examples in the book to help direct my behavior without needing a "HOW TO" direction stamped across the page. You rely on your intuition. You rely on your knowledge. You rely on your empathy and most of all you rely on your willingness to enact change.

    The examples in this book were definitely not apples to apples with how I am with my fiance - but it was enough of an eye-opening experience for me to say to myself: "Oh geez..... I do things like this all the time and this is how my fiance must feel. He's just reacting to my avoidance. If I start to try to be less avoidant and give him a little bit more security by acknowledging him maybe he won't feel so frustrated or taken advantage of or hurt."

    And that's what I started to do. I started to recognize the behaviors I have that are avoidant and started to replace them with more healthy behaviors. At first this wasn't easy. I felt like I was losing a part of myself by giving in to him but then I realized that's silly and I went back to the book for guidance and reassurance and that's when I decided to feel more secure and in control. I'm far more independent by making the right, healthy choices for our relationship than I am being a slave to my fear of dependency. I really feel empowered by this and I thank the authors for putting this out there in a way that isn't complicated but that is so very helpful.
    977 people found this helpful
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  • Andrew
    5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my life
    Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    This book is not meant to fix your problems. It will help you predict how you handle conflict, but not ALL conflict. It helps you predict how you will deal with conflict when you are insecure/influenced by your attachment (partner.) It shows the pattern whether you believe it or not, you're attached to your partner by how you tend to act. This helps you predict it, recognize it, and THEN you can work on it. The book is honest. Fixing/transforming is 1 out of 4 people over a couple years. But predicting can be anyone. I can comfortably handle my insecurity with my partner and communicate it and admit how i will react out loud and we do what is best from there. I love it.
    One person found this helpful
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  • thebanker
    5.0 out of 5 stars Eye-Opening and Life-Changing Relationship Insights
    Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Attached helped me understand my relationship patterns in a whole new way. The explanation of attachment styles was clear, relatable, and backed by real science. It made me realize why some past relationships didn’t work—and what to look for going forward. The advice is practical and easy to apply, whether you’re dating or in a long-term relationship. I felt more confident and secure just from reading it. A must-read for anyone who wants healthier, more fulfilling connections.
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  • Jamielynn Fisher
    4.0 out of 5 stars Great
    Reviewed in the United States on June 3, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Learned so much
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  • Charlotte greene
    5.0 out of 5 stars great book
    Reviewed in the United States on September 16, 2024
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    I’ll admit it. I am totally attached to _Attached_. But, not in an unhealthy way, really. I’ve read my fair share of books on relationships (including textbooks during my clinical training as a therapist), and I can honestly say that this book provides the most elegant framework for organizing, explaining, and rescuing relationship problems that I’ve seen.

    It clearly delivers on the hope that the authors have for this book:
    “We hope that you will use the relationship wisdom distilled in this book, from more than two decades of research, to find happiness in your romantic connections and to soar in all aspects of your life. If you follow the attachment principles we have outlined, you will be actively giving yourself the best shot at finding—and keeping—a deeply gratifying love, instead of leaving one of the most important aspects of your life to chance!” (pp. 272-273)

    Based on the science of attachment, the book looks at the three basic types of attachment: avoidant, anxious, and secure. In a nutshell: if you’re avoidant, relationships feel like a threat to your independence; if you’re anxious, relationships feel like a lifeline that is going to be yanked away from you at any moment; if you’re secure, relationships provide you with peace of mind. Early on, the book helps you determine your style of attachment, and the style of your partner as well.

    After helping to determine attachment styles, the book takes a closer look at how these three different attachment styles present themselves in everyday life, and when they are most likely to clash. Not surprisingly, the most clash-likely relationship is between a person with an avoidant style of attachment and one with an anxious style. (Can we say distancer and pursuer?) The authors provide both insight and hope for helping avoiding the needless suffering often accompanying this attachment style mis-match:

    “People have very different capacities for intimacy. And when one person’s need for closeness is met with another person’s need for independence and distance, a lot of unhappiness ensues. By being cognizant of this fact, both of you can navigate your way better in the dating world to find someone with intimacy needs similar to your own (if you are unattached) or reach an entirely new understanding about your differing needs in an existing relationship—a first and necessary step toward steering it in a more secure direction.” (p. 270)

    The book provides tools and communication strategies that use attachment principles to help you avoid the traps of mismatched relationships (and/or help you free yourself and survive one you may have fallen into), and shows you how to focus your energies on building secure relationships. Even if you’re not the secure type (only about 50% of people are), it still is possible to be in a secure relationship—it just takes a good mix of self-awareness and ongoing work. Think of this book as the guidebook for doing that work.

    The cherry on top of this deliciously satisfying book comes in the form of the authors’ simple, but profound, summary of the key essentials for finding and keeping (secure) love:
    ***Your attachment needs are legitimate.
    ***You shouldn’t feel bad for depending on the person you are closet to—it is part of your genetic makeup.
    ***A relationship, from an attachment perspective, should make you feel more self-confident and give you peace of mind. If it doesn’t, this is a wake up call!
    ***And, above all, remain true to your authentic self—playing games will only distance you from your ultimate goal of finding happiness, be it with your current partner or with someone else. (p. 272)

    _Attached_ should seriously be required reading for anyone who has been, is, wants to be, or will be in a relationship. Yep, it is that good. And, so can be your relationships if you take this book to heart!
    60 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • victor
    5.0 out of 5 stars muy bueno
    Reviewed in Spain on September 21, 2024
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Interesante punto de vista, claro, práctico y con muchos ejemplos que te ayudan a entender mejor la teoría.

    Me gusta que se basa mucho en estudios científicos y no en la opinión de una persona.
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  • Ajar
    5.0 out of 5 stars love it
    Reviewed in France on May 24, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    This book really changed my perspective. It helped me understand my attachment style and made me think about how others connect, too. Definitely recommend it
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  • luciana amaral
    5.0 out of 5 stars Leitura obrigatória
    Reviewed in Brazil on June 9, 2021
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Teoria muito esclarecedora para entender a dinâmica dos relacionamentos e construir meios saudáveis e positivos de se relacionar. Recomendo fortemente a leitura.
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  • Caroline
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great for lay people
    Reviewed in Australia on May 12, 2023
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Very easy to understand attachment theory for people with non professional background in psychology. I give to couple in counseling. Good examples and situations.
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  • Gogou
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book on One attachement style in Relationships
    Reviewed in India on February 22, 2016
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    The book clearly elaborates on one different attachment style.This book will make your relationship much less troublesome in your life if you followed what is laid out in the book.
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