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Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It―Unlock Your Persuasion Potential in Professional and Personal Life Hardcover – May 17, 2016
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This international bestseller, with more than 3 million copies sold, offers a field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom, in your community, or at home.
Life is a series of negotiations, and negotiation is at the heart of collaboration—whether you are a business executive, a salesperson, a parent , a community leader, or a spouse. As a former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss gives you the tools to be effective in any situation: negotiating a business deal, buying (or selling) a car, negotiating a salary, acquiring a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner, or communicating with your children. Taking the power of persuasion, empathy, active listening, and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any difficult conversation or challenging situation. This book is a masterclass in influencing others, no matter the circumstances.
After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference distills the Voss method, revealing the skills that matter most when it comes to achieving your goals in both your professional and personal life.
Step-by-step, Voss show you how to:
- Establish Rapport
- Create Trust with Tactical Empathy
- Gain the Permission to Persuade
- Shape What Is Fair
- Calibrate Questions
- Transform Conflict into Collaboration
- Spot Liars
- Create Breakthroughs by Revealing the Unknown Unknowns
Never Split the Difference is your definitive source for defusing potential crises, winning people over, and achieving your goals at work and at home.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarper Business
- Publication dateMay 17, 2016
- Dimensions1.3 x 6.3 x 9.1 inches
- ISBN-100062407805
- ISBN-13978-0062407801
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From the Publisher




Editorial Reviews
Review
Former FBI Hostage Negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.” — Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller, What Every Body is Saying
Chatty and friendly and packed with helpful resources, this is an intriguing approach to business and personal negotiations. — Publishers Weekly
"Such a great book that is relevant to more than just FBI negotiations: it's relevant to my relationship with my partner, to my business, to everything in between." — Steven Bartlett, entrepreneur and host of the Diary of a CEO podcast
"It's rare that a book is so gripping and entertaining while still being actionable and applicable." — Inc.
"A business book you won't be able to put down." — Fortune
From the Back Cover
A field-tested, game-changing approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.
Never Split the Difference is a riveting, indispensable handbook of negotiation principles culled and perfected from Chris Voss’s remarkable career as a hostage negotiator and later as an award-winning teacher in the world’s most prestigious business schools. From policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, to becoming the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator to teaching negotiation at leading universities, Voss has tested these techniques across the full spectrum of human endeavor and proved their effectiveness. Those who have benefited from these techniques include business clients generating millions in additional profits, MBA students getting better jobs, and even parents dealing with their kids.
Never Split the Difference provides a gripping, behind-the-scenes recounting of dramatic scenarios from the gang-infested streets of Haiti to a Brooklyn bank robbery gone horribly wrong, revealing the negotiation strategies that helped Voss and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. As a world-class negotiator, Voss shows you how to use these skills in the workplace and in every other realm of your life.
Life is a series of negotiations: whether buying a car, getting a better raise, buying a home, renegotiating rent, or deliberating with your partner, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.
Advance praise for Never Split The Difference
“This book blew my mind. It’s a riveting read, full of instantly actionable advice—not just for high-stakes negotiations, but also for handling everyday conflicts at work and at home.”—Adam Grant, Wharton Professor and New York Times bestselling author of originals and give and take
“Emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence without sacrificing deal-making power. From the pen of a former hostage negotiator—someone who couldn’t take no for an answer—which makes it fascinating reading. But it’s also eminently practical. In these pages, you will find the techniques for getting the deal you want.”—Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of To Sell Is Human and Drive
“Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high-stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.”—Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller What Every Body Is Saying
“Your business—basically your entire life—comes down to your performance in crucial conversations, and these tools will give you the edge you need. . . .It’s required reading for my employees because I use the lessons in this book every single day, and I want them to, too.”—Jason McCarthy, CEO of GORUCK
About the Author
Chris Voss is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiation skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. He currently teaches at the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business and Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, and has lectured at other leading universities, including Harvard Law School, the MIT Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management.
Tahl Raz uncovers big ideas and great stories that ignite change and growth in people and organizations. He is an award-winning journalist and co-author of the New York Times bestseller Never Eat Alone. When not researching or writing, he coaches executives, lectures widely on the forces transforming the new world of work, and serves as an editorial consultant for several national firms. He invites readers to e-mail him at tr@tahlraz.com and to visit his website at www.tahlraz.com.
Product details
- Publisher : Harper Business
- Publication date : May 17, 2016
- Edition : 1st
- Language : English
- Print length : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0062407805
- ISBN-13 : 978-0062407801
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 1.3 x 6.3 x 9.1 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #297 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1 in Business Negotiating (Books)
- #9 in Leadership & Motivation
- #19 in Success Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Tahl Raz is a storyteller of big ideas in business, technology and the social sciences that are transforming the way we work and live. An award-winning journalist and best-selling author, he has edited and published in everything from Inc. Magazine and GQ to Harvard Business Review and the Jerusalem Post. Management guru Tom Peters called his first co-authored book, “Never Eat Alone,” one of “the most extraordinary and valuable business books” of recent history. The book is still in hardcover over a decade later and is now used as a textbook in MBA programs around the world. He has held roles as a Chief Content Officer, CEO of an online education company called MyGreenLight, and founder and editor-in-chief of Jewcy Media. He lives in New York City with his wife, daughter, and a very fat Pug named Bibi.
A 24 year veteran of the FBI, Chris Voss is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiating skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. Voss has taught for many business schools, including the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business, Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, Harvard University, MIT’s Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, among others.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this book to be a well-written guide that provides practical techniques for understanding humans and enhances their relationships with clients. The book is full of engaging stories and real-life examples, making it applicable to everyday life scenarios. Customers appreciate the author's approach to listening, and one customer notes how the book breaks down negotiation tactics into digestible parts. Customers consider it worth the investment, particularly for salary negotiations.
AI Generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book very useful and full of insights, helping them in every facet of life.
"...explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high-stakes situations, followed by how it can..." Read more
""Never Split the Difference" is an informative and well-written guide to the art of negotiation, offering practical strategies drawn from the author..." Read more
"Great book with really thought out techniques. You can tell this book is tried and true!! Great read. Definitely recommend" Read more
"...And it has worked wonders. Since reading this book, I have: -..." Read more
Customers praise the book's practical negotiating tools and real-life examples, helping them handle conflicts with more confidence.
"...This book is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve their negotiation skills, whether in business, sales, management, or personal..." Read more
"...For me, this book is about how to embrace every conflict—difference of interest—and bring it to the brighter condition for each side." Read more
"...This is a must read for anyone whose work involves negotiation...." Read more
"A good book about negotiation" Read more
Customers find the book well-written and easy to read, with clear explanations throughout.
"...While the subject matter is serious, the writing keeps you hooked, feeling more like a thrilling narrative at times than a dry business book...." Read more
"...it was a book club choice, but I found to be interesting, fairy easy to read and I learned a few things." Read more
"...This is a remarkably engaging book, that reads like a novel, complete with reports of Voss’s gripping experiences chosen to highlight what he teaches..." Read more
""Never Split the Difference" is an informative and well-written guide to the art of negotiation, offering practical strategies drawn from the author..." Read more
Customers find the book educational, praising its practical techniques for understanding humans and its psychological insights into how people think. They report that it has changed their perspective on communicating in all aspects of life and enhanced their relationships with clients.
"...Each chapter breaks down a specific technique, explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high..." Read more
"...would highly recommend it to anyone looking to improve their communication and negotiation skills." Read more
"...Content is clear and concise. All of the tips are practical. This book allows me to push past the fear of conflict." Read more
"...It builds on empathy and active listening skills, layers on ways to label emotions and ask open-ended calibrated questions...." Read more
Customers enjoy the book's engaging stories and wonderful anecdotes, with each chapter structured around a narrative.
"...Each chapter breaks down a specific technique, explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high..." Read more
"...read this because it was a book club choice, but I found to be interesting, fairy easy to read and I learned a few things." Read more
"...So, the concepts taught on this book was new and interesting. Its well written with real life examples. Excellent read, highly recommend." Read more
"...This isn't your grandfather's "win-win" negotiation guide. It's a literary SWAT team, busting through the doors of conventional wisdom with flash-..." Read more
Customers find the book highly relevant to life, appreciating its real-life examples and practical ideas that can be applied to everyday scenarios.
"...Engaging Storytelling: The real-life anecdotes make the concepts memorable and the book a pleasure to read...." Read more
"...actionable steps that feel both easy to understand and applicable in real-life scenarios...." Read more
"...It is a reference book for our present and future. The examples are exciting and easily convey the techniques...." Read more
"...I think there’s a real benefit to the ground up style of teaching used in this book...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's focus on listening skills, noting it is a great listener and the best book on this topic, with one customer highlighting specific key words to listen for.
"...for prioritizing emotional intelligence and active listening in any persuasive interaction...." Read more
"...Tactical Empathy is contingent on active listening – listening hard and doing so in a relationship-affirming way...." Read more
"...It builds on empathy and active listening skills, layers on ways to label emotions and ask open-ended calibrated questions...." Read more
"...There’s much, much more in the book. The key words to listen for to know that your counter party feels heard (“That’s right”), his method for..." Read more
Customers find the book to be worth the money, noting that it creates value for all parties in negotiation and is particularly useful for salary negotiations.
"...slightly at times the overall content remains highly engaging and valuable...." Read more
"...counter party feels heard (“That’s right”), his method for haggling in a salary-style negotiation (the Ackerman Method), and a fantastic trick for..." Read more
"...However, I feel super good about the savings who will pay for gas/ insurance and make the deprecitation when I will try to sell the car in the..." Read more
"...The topic covered, and the information provided are worth the price of admission and then some if you ever have to deal with negotiations in..." Read more
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Saved a full 7% or $4,000 on car of my dreams since I was a boy!!! Best book you'll ever buy!
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2025Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseNegotiation is a fundamental skill, whether in the boardroom, buying a car, or even deciding where to go for dinner. Chris Voss's "Never Split the Difference" immediately grabs attention with its subtitle, "Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It," a nod to the author's background as a former FBI lead international hostage negotiator. This book promises to unlock persuasion potential by applying high-stakes techniques to everyday professional and personal interactions. Having heard considerable buzz about Voss's approach, I was eager to delve into his strategies.
Key Concepts and Themes:
Voss's central premise challenges the traditional, purely rational approach to negotiation often taught in business schools. Instead, he argues that emotions are not obstacles but pathways to understanding and influence. The book is built around several core techniques borrowed from hostage negotiation:
Voss emphasizes truly listening to understand the other party's perspective and validating their emotions, even if you don't agree with them. Techniques like "mirroring" (repeating the last few words the other person said) and "labeling" (identifying and acknowledging their emotions) are powerful tools for building rapport and gathering information.
The Power of "No": Contrary to conventional wisdom that pushes for "yes," Voss explains why getting a "no" can be a valuable step in the negotiation process, making the other party feel in control and opening up possibilities.
Calibrated Questions: Using open-ended questions starting with "how" or "what" to subtly guide the other party towards your desired outcome without being aggressive.
Bending Reality: Techniques like anchoring and strategic uses of deadlines to influence the other party's perception of value and time.
A systematic approach to making offers and counter-offers that involves calculated concessions.
What makes Voss's methods stand out is their foundation in real-life, high-pressure scenarios where failure had dire consequences. This lends a unique weight and credibility to the techniques presented.
Writing Style and Readability:
The book is highly engaging, written in an accessible, conversational style. Voss weaves in compelling anecdotes from his time in the FBI, illustrating the techniques with gripping stories of hostage standoffs and criminal negotiations. This makes the concepts much easier to grasp and remember than purely theoretical explanations. While the subject matter is serious, the writing keeps you hooked, feeling more like a thrilling narrative at times than a dry business book.
Practical Application:
One of the book's greatest strengths is its focus on practical application. Each chapter breaks down a specific technique, explains the psychological principle behind it, and provides clear examples of how it was used in high-stakes situations, followed by how it can be adapted to business or personal life. While applying techniques honed in life-or-death scenarios to everyday conversations might sound intense, Voss does a good job of translating them into less dramatic contexts. It requires conscious effort and practice, but the examples make it clear how to start implementing them. I found myself immediately trying some of the listening and labeling techniques in conversations, and noticed a difference.
Strengths:
The insights from hostage negotiation provide a fresh and powerful take on persuasion.
Highly Practical Techniques: The book offers actionable strategies that you can start using immediately.
Engaging Storytelling: The real-life anecdotes make the concepts memorable and the book a pleasure to read.
Focus on Emotional Intelligence: Emphasizes the critical role of understanding and managing emotions in negotiation.
Empowering Message: Provides readers with tools to feel more confident and in control during difficult conversations.
Criticisms:
Intensity of Techniques: Some readers might find certain techniques feel manipulative or overly intense for casual interactions. Voss addresses this, stressing the importance of genuine empathy, but it's something to be mindful of.
Reliance on Anecdotes: While the stories are engaging, some might wish for more data or research backing up every single claim, although the FBI's success rate serves as strong practical validation.
Conclusion:
"Never Split the Difference" is a transformative book on negotiation. By drawing on his unparalleled experience, Chris Voss provides a compelling argument for prioritizing emotional intelligence and active listening in any persuasive interaction. The techniques are counter-intuitive at times but profoundly effective when applied thoughtfully. While the intensity of their origin might require conscious adaptation for everyday use, the core principles of understanding the other side deeply are universally valuable.
This book is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve their negotiation skills, whether in business, sales, management, or personal relationships. It's not just about getting what you want; it's about understanding people and achieving better outcomes by navigating the human element of conversation. It will fundamentally change the way you think about influence and persuasion.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2025Format: KindleVerified PurchaseThis book tells us that we shouldn't avoid conflict. Conflict, a healthy one, is an engine for better relationship and result in general.
Remember, this book isn't about how to manipulate your counterpart. For me, this book is about how to embrace every conflict—difference of interest—and bring it to the brighter condition for each side.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2025Format: KindleVerified PurchaseI'm usually a fiction reader, read this because it was a book club choice, but I found to be interesting, fairy easy to read and I learned a few things.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2017Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseLet’s get this clear: You don’t get the life you deserve, you get the life you negotiate.
That said, who better to guide you in the best techniques for negotiation than someone who was involved in genuinely high-stakes negotiating – world-class ex-FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss. Having seen too many B-Grade movies, your perception of dealing with hostage-takers, as was mine, may be assembling an armour-clad SWAT team, getting a clear head shot at the hostage taker, and rescuing the terrified victims.
After seeing too many incidents end in disaster for the victims, the FBI turned to using very sophisticated negotiation techniques. Most business negotiators are raised on the “Getting to Yes” approach of Fisher and Ury. One of their keys to negotiating is the assumption that the other side is going to “act rationally and selfishly in trying to maximize their position.” Your task is to get as much as you can. The only people who come close to doing this are those negotiating with other people’s money and who will make an outsized commission irrespective of the outcome.
The book’s title, ‘Never Split the Difference’, highlights the deficiencies in this approach. What is splitting the difference in a hostage negotiation? I’ll give you $5m instead of your asking price of $10m and you kill only 8 hostages and free 12?
“Negotiation, as you’ll learn it here, is nothing more than communication with results,” Voss explains. The economist Amos Tversky and the psychologist Daniel Kahneman, the founders of the field of behavioural economics, won a Nobel Prize for demonstrating that man is in fact, (and even in business,) a very irrational beast.
The beauty of the method Voss teaches is how easy it is to grasp the basics, even if it may take years to perfect these techniques. The method Voss describes was developed because it is easy to teach, easy to learn, and easy to execute. It was designed for police officers who weren’t interested in becoming academics or therapists. They simply needed a highly effective way of changing the behaviour of the hostage-taker, and to shift the emotional environment of the crisis just enough so that they can secure the safety of everyone involved.
If indeed you don’t get what you deserve, only what you ask for, you have to ask correctly. So, claim your prerogative to ask for what you think is right.
The centrepiece of this book, is ‘Tactical Empathy’ and it works. This doesn’t involve agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs, that’s sympathy.
Tactical Empathy is contingent on active listening – listening hard and doing so in a relationship-affirming way. Active Listening involves techniques such as Labelling, Mirroring, Accusation Audit, silences and more. I will address only a few.
Labelling is repeating your counterpart’s perspective back to them. You will be able to disarm your counterpart’s complaints by repeating them aloud. Labels almost always begin with the same words: It seems like … It looks like… It sounds like … and not “I’m hearing that …” The word “I” gets people’s guard up.
There is enough research that indicates that the best way to address negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then label the negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts. “You seem disappointed that the price you were expecting to achieve is being rejected…” Then listen encouragingly so a solution can be found.
There are three voices that are useful in a negotiation, one Voss calls the “late-night, FM DJ voice”: it is non-threating, soft, and calming. Talk that starts with “I’m sorry …” and a soft smile, makes people more open to creative solutions because their brains are not freezing in fear or anger.
“Mirroring” is feeding back to your counterpart what they have just said. Not the body language. Not the accent. Not the tone or delivery. Just the words. Sometimes repeating only the last three words or the critical one to three words of what someone has just said, will produce the desired effect. Your counterpart will inevitably elaborate, and even reveal more information that will further fuel the negotiation. Mirrors work magic.
By affirming what you are hearing, you are showing you understand (not support or concur with) your counterpart’s worldview.
“It seems like you want us to let you go.” Or “It seems like you don’t want to go ahead with the sale under these conditions.” When they can say to you “That’s right…” you have connected in a meaningful way that will allow for the exploration of other options. If they had said, “You’re right…” more often than not, they are fobbing you off.
“I always try to reinforce the message that being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is,” Voss explains. Negotiation is not a battle between opposing forces.
By doing an accusation audit in advance, you can often surface what is their concern upfront and eliminate it. When teaching negotiation, Voss invites students to roleplay. Knowing what is going to bother them, he introduces the process with: “In case you’re worried about volunteering to roleplay with me in front of the class, I want to tell you in advance … it’s going to be horrible… (But) those of you who do volunteer will probably get more out of this than anyone else.” The response is always positive.
By listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you, you can address it, with playful seriousness, and elicit the useful ‘That’s right…’ reponse.
“In the decades since my initiation into the world of high-stakes negotiations, I’ve been struck again and again by how valuable these seemingly simple approaches can be. The ability to get inside the head—and eventually under the skin—of your counterpart depends on these techniques and a willingness to change your approach, based on new evidence, along the way.”
This is a remarkably engaging book, that reads like a novel, complete with reports of Voss’s gripping experiences chosen to highlight what he teaches. This is a must read for anyone whose work involves negotiation. For those who are not so engaged, read it anyway even if your most serious negotiation is your noisy neighbour or getting a seat on a “fully booked” flight.
Readability Light --+-- Serious
Insights High +---- Low
Practical High +---- Low
*Ian Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy and is the author of the recently released Executive Update.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 19, 2025Format: KindleVerified Purchase"Never Split the Difference" is an informative and well-written guide to the art of negotiation, offering practical strategies drawn from the author’s experience as an FBI hostage negotiator. Chris Voss breaks down complex negotiation tactics into clear, actionable steps that feel both easy to understand and applicable in real-life scenarios. While a few examples felt somewhat repetitive, causing the pacing to drag slightly at times the overall content remains highly engaging and valuable. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and would highly recommend it to anyone looking to improve their communication and negotiation skills.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 29, 2025Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseLoved this and the examples. Especially relating criminals to business people.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2025This was a really great book, one of the best I have read in a long time. I intend to study it and master all of the lessons that he has included. It was a fascinating read-- as a top FBI negotiator-- how do you reason with crazy criminals who want to kill others in a hostage situation?
- Reviewed in the United States on June 14, 2025Format: KindleVerified PurchaseHighly recommend for everyone. Content is clear and concise. All of the tips are practical. This book allows me to push past the fear of conflict.
Top reviews from other countries
- Stephen MorgenthalerReviewed in Australia on December 14, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Great advice and learning
Great read and easy to follow and put into practice. Took a lot from this book.
- Praveen K.Reviewed in India on April 9, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars Will change how u think about negotiation
Excellent and practical book about how negotiation works.
- IanReviewed in the Netherlands on September 26, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars negotiating best lessons
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseRecommend this book to everybody. It has a wealth of practical tips how to negotiate in any situation: at work, at home, everywhere. Simply brilliant!
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BillysciabreReviewed in Italy on February 15, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Chiaro, utile e facilmente comprensibile
Comprato per interesse riguardo alle tecniche di comunicazione.
Il libro (lingua inglese) è facile da leggere e comprensibile. L’autore introduce ogni argomento con degli episodi tratti dalla sua carriera personale di negoziatore per l’FBI.
Ogni capitolo contiene tecniche concrete su come affrontare la negoziazione.
Piacevole alla lettura e rapido nell’esecuzione di ogni capitolo.
Da rileggere.
- Allan SobierajskiReviewed in Spain on May 14, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars Great sales technique book
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseThis is a great read - was recommended by a Sales Enablement professional.
Chris really knows his craft, blending his FBI stories along with student success / failure stories really makes for an enjoying read, whether you're in sales or not.
Now, I often apply the Voss teachings and treat it as a bit of a game - at first I felt very awkward, but not a single person noticed and most times the prospects reply with actually usable information.
Where I have not experienced any success at all is appling Chris' teachings via email. - I've sent out 100's of fully tailored emails and not one reply so far.
I think it's also important to note that I focus on EMEA.