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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High Paperback – June 18, 2002

by Kerry Patterson (Author), Joseph Grenny (Author), Ron McMillan (Author),
4.5 out of 5 stars 827 ratings
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Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare.

When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read Crucial Conversations and discover how to communicate best when it matters most. Crucial Conversations gives you the tools you need to step up to life's most difficult and important conversations, say what's on your mind, and achieve the positive resolutions you want. You'll learn how to:

  • Prepare for high-impact situations with a six-minute mastery technique
  • Make it safe to talk about almost anything
  • Be persuasive, not abrasive
  • Keep listening when others blow up or clam up
  • Turn crucial conversations into the action and results you want

    Whether they take place at work or at home, with your neighbors or your spouse, crucial conversations can have a profound impact on your career, your happiness, and your future. With the skills you learn in this book, you'll never have to worry about the outcome of a crucial conversation again.

Read more
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  1. Print length
    256 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    McGraw-Hill
  4. Publication date
    June 18, 2002
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 0.63 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0071401946
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0071401944
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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

"Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."
--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics

Learn how to keep your cool and get what you want when emotions flare.

When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read Crucial Conversations and discover how to communicate best when it matters most. This wise and witty guide gives you the tools you need to step up to life's most difficult and important conversations, say what's on your mind, and achieve positive outcomes that will amaze you. You'll learn how to:

  • Prepare for high-impact situations with a six-minute mastery technique
  • Make it safe to talk about almost anything
  • Be persuasive, not abrasive
  • Keep listening when others blow up or clam up
  • Turn crucial conversations into the action and results you want

    Whether they take place at work or at home, with your neighbors or your spouse, crucial conversations can have a profound impact on your career, your happiness, and your future. With the skills you learn in this book, you'll never have to worry about the outcome of a crucial conversation again.

About the Author

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler are top international corporate consultants and co-founders of vitality alliance, and vitalsmarts. Together they have developed dozens of corporate training programs for dozens of fortune 500 companies.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ June 18, 2002
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ 1st
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071401946
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0071401944
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.63 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 out of 5 stars 827 ratings

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Kerry Patterson

Kerry Patterson

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
827 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this book to be an excellent read that offers practical tools for clarifying difficult conversations. Moreover, the book teaches effective communication strategies that can be applied to various situations, and customers report positive results, particularly with their spouses. Additionally, they appreciate its empathetic approach and consider it required reading for many people.

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AdviceReadabilityCommunication skillsEffectivenessEmpathy
102 customers mention "Advice"95 positive7 negative

Customers find the book's advice helpful and instructive, with one customer noting it provides practical tools for clarifying communication.

"...-Look for when things become crucial. -Learn to watch for safety problems. -Look to see if others are moving towards silence or violence...." Read more

"...I like the book because it gives you examples of questions you should be asking yourself all the time, like - how would I behave if I really wanted..." Read more

"...This book offers several tips and tools for dealing with tough conversations...." Read more

"...of how people communicate that are easy to overlook, and yet obvious and insightful when pointed out...." Read more

99 customers mention "Readability"96 positive3 negative

Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as fun to read and a great guidebook that is required reading for almost everyone.

"The content of this book is so though provoking, i have a hard time reading the book, cause my mind wanders off with the idea just presented and how..." Read more

"This is one of the best books I have read in learning new skills especially in communication...." Read more

"...It offers tips on offering empathy, telling stories to be more relatable, and making the other person feel comfortable, putting them at ease, and..." Read more

"...This book was a lot of fun to read, as I laughed often realizing how the authors were describing me to a "T"..." Read more

87 customers mention "Communication skills"83 positive4 negative

Customers praise the book's communication skills, particularly its guidance on having difficult conversations and its applicability to all types of interactions.

"...crucial conversations and you'll kick-start your career, strengthen your relationships, and improve your health...." Read more

"...Growing older and hopefully wiser, I've found it much easier to avoid confrontation. I think before I speak...." Read more

""Crucial Conversations" contains many useful insights into the mechanics of how people communicate that are easy to overlook, and yet obvious and..." Read more

"The book's thesis is simple: master the few critical conversations that either make or break your career and personal relationships and you can..." Read more

12 customers mention "Effectiveness"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book effective, reporting surprisingly good results and noting it works particularly well with spouses.

"...It's primarily about how to get consistently good results...." Read more

"...Why I and others are so excited about the book is its immediate results...." Read more

"...and was really surprised by the original approach and effective process...." Read more

"...in getting to the heart of what the conversation is about and getting results." Read more

5 customers mention "Empathy"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the empathetic approach of the book, with one customer noting how it increases emotional intelligence.

"...It offers tips on offering empathy, telling stories to be more relatable, and making the other person feel comfortable, putting them at ease, and..." Read more

"...conversations characterized by three elements: High Stakes, Strong Emotions and Varying Opinions...." Read more

"...It is an empathetic approach that allows all involved to come away feeling respected and satisfied, even if they didn't "win" the argument...." Read more

"...a great read to put things into a new perspective and allows the reader to try to sympathize instead of analyze how others may think and process...." Read more

Paid for new but received used
1 out of 5 stars
Paid for new but received used
Purchased and paid $20 for a new book but this is what came in. Even has the used $7.99 price tag on it. Would gladly pay 7.99 for it used but not 20
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Jason J. Riley
    5.0 out of 5 stars deep thought provoking content that chapter summaries help seat
    Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    The content of this book is so though provoking, i have a hard time reading the book, cause my mind wanders off with the idea just presented and how it can apply to my situation, work, home, everything. I have to keep flipping back a couple pages (or rewinding, as I also got it on Audible, b/c I like to re-listen while I walk) to re-read.

    I also really like that they summarize each chapter and they also lead into each chapter what is going to be talked about.
    Helpful
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  • O. Halabieh
    5.0 out of 5 stars Crucial for Success!
    Reviewed in the United States on October 22, 2011
    Verified Purchase
    I recently finished reading the book Crucial Conversations - Tools for talking when stakes are high by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler. Crucial conversations are defined as: "A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong". Crucial conversations occur everyday whether in a personal or professional level. A key for success and happiness is the ability to master these conversations. This book offers numerous tools to help one initiate and or engage in such conversations in a positive and productive manner.

    Below are excerpts from the book that I found particularly insightful, and that summarize the tools presented:

    1- "Master your crucial conversations and you'll kick-start your career, strengthen your relationships, and improve your health. As you and others master high-stakes discussions, you'll also vitalize your organization and your community."

    2- "We're simply suggesting that whatever the decision-making method, the greater the shared meaning in the pool, the better the choice - whoever makes it."

    3- "Start With Heart...Work on Me First...Focus on What You Really Want...Refuse the Sucker's Choice"

    4- "Learn to Look...To break from this insidious cycle, Learn to Look. - Learn to look at content and conditions. -Look for when things become crucial. -Learn to watch for safety problems. -Look to see if others are moving towards silence or violence. -Look for outbreaks of your Style Under Stress."

    5- "Make it safe...Step Out...Decide which condition of safety is at risk -Mutual purpose - Mutual Respect...Apologize when appropriate...Contrast to fix misunderstanding...CRIB to get mutual purpose -Commit to seek Mutual Purpose. - Recognize the purpose behind the strategy. -Invent a Mutual Purpose. -Brainstorm new strategies."

    6- "Master my stories...Retrace your path -Get in touch with your feelings. -Analyze your stories. -Get back to the facts. -Watch for clever stories...Tell the Rest of the story."

    7- "State my path...Share your facts...Tell your story...Ask for others' paths...Talk tentatively...Encourage testing."

    8- "Explore others' paths...-Ask. - Mirror. -Paraphrase. -Prime. -Agree. -Build. -Compare."

    9- "Move to action...-Command. -Consult. -Vote. -Consensus."

    10- "Establish new and higher expectations. Don't deal with a specific instance; deal with the overall pattern. If you want someone to show more initiative, tell him or her. Give specific examples of when the person rain into a barrier and then backed off after a single try. Raise the bar and then make it crystal clear what you've done. Jointly brainstorm what the person could have done to be both more persistent and more creative in coming up with a solution."

    11- "Transfer tips...-First, master the content. -Second, master the skills. -Third, enhance your motive. -Fourth, watch for cues."
    3 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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  • stingray
    5.0 out of 5 stars fantastic book, I highly recommend it.
    Reviewed in the United States on February 18, 2010
    Verified Purchase
    This is one of the best books I have read in learning new skills especially in communication. I loved these authors- before this book I read, " Influencer" which I highly recommend.
    There are many things I loved about this book:
    Let's start with the concept of conversations becoming crucial or heated. I never knew there was specific skills that could be use to make conversation better and not have heated conversation escalates. What I learned was to learn to look for when conversation become crucial and when the person you speaking to if not feeling safe and results in violence and/or silence. Awareness in a big part of it. And making sure that both parties are aware of their mutual purpose. They called it starting with the heart. What do you want from this dialogue and what do I want.
    Secondly, I love where they show you how to use it, not in an abstract concept but in practical terms. For example, they say take one chapter, re-read it and practice it for a week, then go on to another chapter and do the same. Also, they talked about teaching someone what you learn , in this way , it will reinforced what you learn. Too many books , give you the information and does not tell you how to use in a day to day situation. They even have a chapter on putting it all together. I loved that!
    I love the state my path chapter because it shows you how to handle delicate situations. The example they give for this chapter is of a wife thinking her husband is having an affair because of a motel bill. The acronym STATE is used. S share facts( this is the most unthreatening and is black and white) T Tell your story( this is basically your conclusion from facts) , A ask for their take on the facts and the stories) T talk tentatively, I was wondering why ... Do you see if differently ? and last is E encourage testing- can we check this out to see what is going on.
    I like the book because it gives you examples of questions you should be asking yourself all the time, like - how would I behave if I really wanted this, what would I do differently? Are we playing games or are we in dialogue?
    Use AMPP to get others people views, Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase and Prime. Those are very valuable techniques to use to get others to talk about issues and not things that won't contribute to resolving the crucial conversations.
    As you can see , I loved this book
    9 people found this helpful
    Helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Karly
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in Canada on February 23, 2017
    Verified Purchase
    very good condition. thank you
    Report
  • Cliente Amazon
    5.0 out of 5 stars Libro esencial
    Reviewed in Spain on January 4, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    Libro esencial para personas que nos dedicamos a mejorar la comunicación entre personas: claro, conciso con ejemplos reales que permiten entender los conceptos.
    Report
  • Bhavna Bajaj
    3.0 out of 5 stars -
    Reviewed in India on April 1, 2024
    Verified Purchase
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  • freundlichkaufer
    4.0 out of 5 stars I have received the product in the described quality.
    Reviewed in Germany on January 22, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    I have received the product in the described quality. The seller is reliable and recommandable. Nothing to complain about it.
    Report
  • NHow
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 26, 2011
    Verified Purchase
    I don't generally like how-to books. They tend to be full of silly made-up jargon. This has a few but in the main it's readable and makes a lot of sense. In practice it can help you avoid getting embroiled in emotionally negative conversations at times when you need a clear head to find ways through the thickets of conflict. What I particularly liked was its easy to learn techniques and the fact that you don't have to get a PhD in conflict management. There are clear examples of difficult situations (both workplace and personal relationships) and how to handle them. I would highly recommend this book.
    Report