Thread
Having kids is the hardest job I’ve ever done.
I was completely unprepared.
But after 16 years, I learned a lot -- the hard way.
Here are my 49 contrarian beliefs on parenting.
A thread...
1/x
I was completely unprepared.
But after 16 years, I learned a lot -- the hard way.
Here are my 49 contrarian beliefs on parenting.
A thread...
1/x
Admit that as a parent you have no idea what you’re doing.
That’s OK because everyone feels that way.
(I feel humbled by parenting — all the time.)
That’s OK because everyone feels that way.
(I feel humbled by parenting — all the time.)
Family dinner should be a protected, prioritized activity where no “family business” is discussed.
Don’t hire your kid for their first or second job.
They need to learn how the real world works first.
They need to learn how the real world works first.
If you can, give your kid the freedom that comes from graduating college debt-free as they start life.
Save like mad.
Save like mad.
Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever do.
It takes decades, has no fixed winning condition, multivariate conditions, and nobody to say “thanks” until your kids are well into adulthood.
It takes decades, has no fixed winning condition, multivariate conditions, and nobody to say “thanks” until your kids are well into adulthood.
Make sure your kid knows what college degrees pay.
If they pursue one that doesn't pay, do so with eyes wide open.
If they pursue one that doesn't pay, do so with eyes wide open.
One trick I do is the “Bank of Dad”
I hold deposits and pay 3% interest a month.
My kids learned passive investing young.
I hold deposits and pay 3% interest a month.
My kids learned passive investing young.
Children should be first class members of your life.
But not the sole reason for your existence.
But not the sole reason for your existence.
Pick a name that is simple and easily spelled. Otherwise, you curse them with spelling “E-V-A-N-G-E-L-I-N-A” dozens of times a day.
My boys? “Seth” and “Drew.”
My boys? “Seth” and “Drew.”
The best investment you can do for your kids is braces.
In the US, good teeth are table stakes.
In the US, good teeth are table stakes.
Every teenager needs to have a menial job to appreciate hard work.
Send their butt down to McDonald's or a construction site.
Send their butt down to McDonald's or a construction site.
Do not compete with other parents through your kids’ accomplishments.
Every child needs to face adversity.
If your kid doesn't have any, find them some.
If your kid doesn't have any, find them some.
Kids will remember the time you spent with them.
Not the things you bought them.
Not the things you bought them.
If you can, take your kids on trips to see how the “rest of the world” lives.
Every kid should see a slum before 18.
Every kid should see a slum before 18.
Getting a huge inheritance is the surest path to ruin a kid.
I’m a fan of (a) leaving a nice inheritance but (b) telling them you might spend it all first.
I’m a fan of (a) leaving a nice inheritance but (b) telling them you might spend it all first.
Let your kid choose their own religion when they’re old enough.
Teachers and other students have more influence on our kids than we do after a certain age. Nudge kids to associate with the best of them.
Prioritize getting in the best K-12 school possible, preferably public schools.
Push your kid to a college with the best *brand* possible.
They’ll get that label, some learning, and a great network.
Don’t believe these idiots saying college is bad ROI. It’s not… yet.
They’ll get that label, some learning, and a great network.
Don’t believe these idiots saying college is bad ROI. It’s not… yet.
Let your kids fail often.
You’re preparing them for adulthood, not a trip to fantasyland.
You’re preparing them for adulthood, not a trip to fantasyland.
Dad jokes are your friend to teach kids the nuance of language.
No shame in leveraging your advantages (connections, etc) to help your kid.
When kids are young, you are a dictator.
Some parents never transition to “coach” and that’s how we get teenage rebellion.
Some parents never transition to “coach” and that’s how we get teenage rebellion.
School won’t teach money nor entrepreneurship.
Talk about that stuff openly with them – including your wins and losses.
Talk about that stuff openly with them – including your wins and losses.
Get as much help as you can afford and ask for help.
10 hours of quality time with you is better than 18 hours of you while exhausted.
10 hours of quality time with you is better than 18 hours of you while exhausted.
It’s healthy for kids to be bored sometimes.
Nothing should be taboo with your kids.
Want to have them bored by “bad” things like drugs, for example?
Talk about them freely and the mystery/coolness goes away.
Want to have them bored by “bad” things like drugs, for example?
Talk about them freely and the mystery/coolness goes away.
It’s OK not to love parenting.
Yes, we love our kids but parenting might not be our favorite thing.
Yes, we love our kids but parenting might not be our favorite thing.
Gender bias comes at you from all directions.
Example:
Boy gets “Great job at soccer this week!” and Girl gets “Well, doen’t your dress look pretty today!”
Example:
Boy gets “Great job at soccer this week!” and Girl gets “Well, doen’t your dress look pretty today!”
Do not give your kid their first car for free.
Make them pay for at least a portion of it out of money they earn.
Make them pay for at least a portion of it out of money they earn.
Get them a 2-ton car made of American steel.
They will crash and you want that safety.
They will crash and you want that safety.
Talk to your kids like you would an adult.
This includes vocabulary, abstract concepts and so on.
This includes vocabulary, abstract concepts and so on.
Everyone has an opinion on whether it’s better to have kids early (your 20s) or late (late 30s).
They’re all full of shit.
They’re all full of shit.
Don’t live vicariously through your kids.
For every stage-dad that coached his kid to be Serena Williams, there are thousands of kids who resent their parents for decades.
For every stage-dad that coached his kid to be Serena Williams, there are thousands of kids who resent their parents for decades.
Remember your mission is to create a kid that becomes a great, well-adjusted adult.
Not “win” at being a 5th grader or whatever.
Not “win” at being a 5th grader or whatever.
Someone cranky?
Start first with low blood sugar as the culprit.
Start first with low blood sugar as the culprit.
Don’t be that parent screaming at the refs.
It’s just a 9-year old’s soccer game.
It’s just a 9-year old’s soccer game.
If you want to get boys to talk, don’t ask questions.
Just start sharing.
Just start sharing.
Not every kid should learn to code.
Not all kids are wired to be programmers.
Not all kids are wired to be programmers.
Too many times the media promotes one study (not reproduced) and suddenly we’re all expected to follow a new fad (child-led whatever, etc).
Ignore the bad or weak science.
Ignore the bad or weak science.
Some will shame you for doing what’s best for your kid.
Those people are jerks.
Those people are jerks.
Some kids like to be busy. Some like a slower pace.
Some like routine.
Others don’t.
Be the parent your kid needs for their personality.
Some like routine.
Others don’t.
Be the parent your kid needs for their personality.
Don’t beat yourself up for taking some shortcuts sometimes (ipads at a long dinner, Benadryl to get through a long flight, etc.).
Training wheels slows down learning to ride a bike.
Get one of those scoot things.
Get one of those scoot things.
Let your kids get in the dirt as young as possible.
Buy a sandbox. Expose them to animals.
It helps with immunity and allergies.
Buy a sandbox. Expose them to animals.
It helps with immunity and allergies.
You will end up happier as a parent.
Nature uses the same brainwashing that Army Boot Camps do.
Nature uses the same brainwashing that Army Boot Camps do.
Remember childhood isn't an 18-year preparation.
It's actually life.
Slow down and enjoy it!
It's actually life.
Slow down and enjoy it!
What did I miss?
