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Every time my husband and I get into an argument, we use one thing to defuse it...
The "Too-Small Trigger"
It may completely transform your relationship, it did for ours:
The "Too-Small Trigger"
It may completely transform your relationship, it did for ours:
My husband and I were having trouble “picking our battles.”
I’m a fiery latina who thinks they’re ALL battles.
He’s an ex-military, no grey lines.
I’m a fiery latina who thinks they’re ALL battles.
He’s an ex-military, no grey lines.
So we started something:
The “Too-Small Trigger”
The “Too-Small Trigger”
How often do you look back on a fight with a significant other and think... that was dumb.
I can’t believe we got into it over:
• clothes left on the ground
• dirty bathroom sinks
• being 5 minutes late
• taking out the trash
Whatever.
I can’t believe we got into it over:
• clothes left on the ground
• dirty bathroom sinks
• being 5 minutes late
• taking out the trash
Whatever.
We as humans do a terrible job at prioritizing when we’re elevated.
So, we started doing this one thing mid-fight that’s a pattern interrupt:
So, we started doing this one thing mid-fight that’s a pattern interrupt:
When one of us starts to get upset, the other one listens for a second.
Then right about when they’re going to start defending themselves and shifting blame…
We instead say, “1 to 5?”
Then right about when they’re going to start defending themselves and shifting blame…
We instead say, “1 to 5?”
We ask the other person on a scale of 1 to 5 how important this is to us.
And for some reason...
It triggers the other person to pause think about it, breathe, and then respond.
And for some reason...
It triggers the other person to pause think about it, breathe, and then respond.
Sometimes it is TRULY a 5. Resolving this is really a priority.
But most times it’s not. It’s a 1-3.
But most times it’s not. It’s a 1-3.
We say, okay it’s a 1-3.
And we can have a discussion on changing it or our expectations.
We constantly prioritize at work, but not well in our relationships.
This changed the game for us.
And we can have a discussion on changing it or our expectations.
We constantly prioritize at work, but not well in our relationships.
This changed the game for us.
3 things this framework depends on:
• At least one partner being calm
• Ability to love change through the 5s
• Willingness to try
• At least one partner being calm
• Ability to love change through the 5s
• Willingness to try
This framework won’t save a bad relationship.
It won’t make 2 incompatible people magically right for each other.
But it’ll make the strong stronger.
It won’t make 2 incompatible people magically right for each other.
But it’ll make the strong stronger.
Hope you guys enjoyed my short stint as a marriage consultant.
If you enjoyed this, drop me a follow @Codie_Sanchez
If you enjoyed this, drop me a follow @Codie_Sanchez
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Alex Brogan @_alexbrogan
·
Feb 4, 2023
Love this framework! Great share